Kenneth Kincaid remembered, laid to rest

To give his family a better life, he gave his own.

Before he enlisted in the Army last year, Aaron Kincaid was struggling to support a wife and two young daughters by working as a car detailer and part-time mechanic at dealerships around Gwinnett.

At one point a few years ago, while having coffee with a friend at a Waffle House, he said he was worried about how he was going to make it through the month, according to relatives and friends. A priest overheard and approached him, offering material and moral support.

On Thursday, the same priest presided at Kincaid's funeral.

U.S. Army Pfc. Aaron Kincaid (he used the name Aaron almost exclusively, though his given name was Kenneth Kincaid IV), 25, was killed in northern Iraq last week, when the Humvee he was driving hit a hidden bomb.

He knew when he signed up that he would almost certainly be assigned to combat duty, relatives said. Yet he also knew that becoming a soldier would make him a better provider.

"That's why he joined the military — he wanted a better life for his children," said Marcia Kincaid, of Lilburn, Kincaid's mother, commented in a recent interview.

In a eulogy written by his father, Kenneth Kincaid, and delivered at the funeral service at St. Marguerite d'Youville Catholic Church in Lawrenceville, Kincaid was called "our handsome hero." The father wondered, however, why his son decided to cut off all his once-curly hair when he was deployed to Iraq, less than two months before his death.

After the funeral mass, Kincaid's widow, Rachel, sat in the shade of a grotto outside the church and spoke of her husband's dedication to his family, even when times were tough.

"He was my hero before the Army," she said. "He was a great father, a great husband, a great son, and a great soldier," she said, adding, "Put it in that order."

Service in the military would be the start of a new life for their family, she said. "We had our whole life planned out. He was going to go to college online, and then we were going to move to Texas, and he was going to become a U.S. marshal," she said.

Before that plan was canceled by war, Kincaid's life was that of an energetic, outgoing suburban youth, who took on heavy responsibilities at an early age.

His mother said the family moved to Lilburn in 1994. Kincaid was an avid Cub Scout and Boy Scout, she said. He liked all sorts of outdoors activities, including hunting and scuba diving, but especially fishing. He had an affinity for animals, to the point where even an old barn cat would drape its paws affectionately around his neck when he picked it up.

Kenneth Kincaid recalled trying to convince his son that he was too small to play football. "Yes, Dad, but I'm faster than the others," he said Kincaid responded. "Aaron was a scrapper," the elder Kincaid said, adding that his son made the team and played well.

For part of his high school studies, Kincaid attended a military school in Alabama. That experience "soured him on the military," Kenneth Kincaid said. He finished high school at Faith Academy in Loganville.

By the time he was 20, he married his wife Rachel. Within two years, they had two daughters, Keni and Abi.

He was deeply worried about his ability to support his family, when the Rev. Brendan Doyle overheard his comments during their first encounter at the Waffle House.

"He was very disillusioned," Doyle recalled. Doyle offered some financial assistance and became Kincaid's friend.

After that, Kincaid experienced a renewal of his faith, Doyle said. On most Sundays, he accompanied his mother to 7:30 a.m. mass, and then they went out for breakfast together.

Kincaid also grew in his maturity, Doyle said. "It was absolutely miraculous to see how he excelled in his work, and in his courage and his hope," Doyle said.

His parents also saw the changes in their son.

"Aaron turned into the greatest dad I ever saw," Kenneth Kincaid said.

When Kincaid decided to enlist, he was told that he would be assigned to a "rapid deployment" unit, Kenneth Kincaid said. "He knew he would have to go into harm's way."

Nevertheless, his family supported the decision. "It's what he wanted to do," Marcia Kincaid said.

Before his deployment to Iraq, Kincaid was stationed in Honolulu, Hawaii; and his wife and daughters were able to go with him.

"I don't think he'd ever been happier in his life," Marcia Kincaid said. "They'd never gone on a real vacation before."

Once in Iraq, Kincaid matured as a combat soldier, his father said. He relished his regular assignment, driving a Humvee, the father said. Also, Kincaid was given an award for his ability to spot buried bombs and thus prevent the type of explosion that eventually killed him, Kenneth Kincaid said.

But he also acknowledged the brutal realities of war. In an email to his father, he wrote, "Everything over here is fine. Who am I kidding? This is terrible. I hate seeing guys getting blown up. I guess I am one of the lucky ones. Thank God."

Throughout Kincaid's funeral service, Rachel Kincaid grieved openly and hugged a framed portrait of her husband to her chest.

In his homily, Doyle acknowledged that this was "a very heartbreaking hour." Kincaid's family and friends must be asking themselves, "Why, why why?" he said.

Though he had no answer to that question, Doyle offered the consolation of the Christian faith. "Christ marks the difference between hope and despair," he said.

At the end of the service, another priest placed his hands on Kincaid's casket, and in a deep baritone sang a sorrowful chant, "An Incense Prayer."

Later Thursday, Aaron Kincaid was buried with full military honors at Georgia National Cemetery, near Canton.

Relatives said his wife and children will move back to Georgia.

For Marcia Kincaid, the completion of the funeral and burial leaves her with her memories of her older son (Aaron had a younger brother, Mark, who now lives in Miami) and two treasured keepsakes. In her basement art studio, she keeps two clay figures that Kincaid made when he was 4 years old.

One day last week, she said, she was put on her guard when a stranger came up to her house.

"Can I help you?" she asked.

"No, but maybe I can help you," the man said. Offering his moral support, the man identified himself as the father of the first soldier from Gwinnett to die in the Iraq war.

Marcia Kincaid is now the mother of the seventh.

Memorial Fund: Contributions to a fund to aid Aaron Kincaid's family can be made at any Sun Trust bank location, or mailed to Branch Manager, SunTrust Banks, Inc., 827 Joe Frank Harris parkway, Cartersville, Ga. 30120

From the Journal-Constitution

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Kenneth 'Aaron' Kincaid IV, killed by roadside bomb